Clutch to Hope
by ayshariham
Summary: Hinamori wants to smile again. To throw away the memories holding her back. To live life again. Slight Hisagi x Hinamori


Just a random idea in my head that wanted to be penned down =D

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The night dragged on, silent and heavy, hour after hour. The 5th Squad's Vice-Captain sat on the roof, her knees pulled up to her chest, humming a song almost unconsciously. Sleep had evaded her, and she spent nights on the roof as if looking for comfort in the shadows of the night.

A sudden step broke the stillness, and Hinamori clutched the hilt of her sword.

"Who's there?" she called out, her voice quivering slightly.

"Oh…It's you…Hinamori-san? I thought it might be someone sneaking around. Why are you here so late at night?"

Her guarded expression dropped when she saw Hisagi step out of the shadows.

"Erm…I…couldn't sleep…" she said, her voice trailing off. "Eh, What's that you're holding, Hisagi-kun?" she asked, pointing to a heavy object Hisagi was clutching.

"This? M-My guitar" replied Hisagi flustered, showing it to Hinamori. "I just finished my watch duty and was finding someplace to practice…"

"Ahh, This is the guitar Rangiku-san complains about" said Hinamori, her face lighting up, before assuming an apologetic face. "I mean… the one … she…talks…about…"

Hisagi grinned. "I know she doesn't like my guitar, but I've been practicing in secret" he said, "I've definitely gotten better"

Hinamori giggled. "Show me", she said, cupping her face in her hands and looking at him expectantly.

_Cu…Cute!, _thought Hisagi. He flushed slightly, and cleared his throat as if to clear his mind.

Hinamori couldn't help but notice how…there was no other word for it…_**hot**_ Hisagi looked as he stood, his head bent low over his guitar, his Shinigami robes fluttering slightly in the breeze. She closed her eyes, prepared to lose herself in the music. She was willing to lose herself anywhere, if it meant easing the pain tormenting her.

The vibrant sounds that the guitar produced when Hisagi plucked the strings completely shattered the silent evening.

Hinamori's eyes flew open in surprise; the screech of the guitar cutting through her ear-drums, her hands automatically flew up to her ears.

Hisagi stopped at the sudden movement, and Hinamori's horrified expression showed him he hadn't really improved much.

He sighed and sat next to her. "Oh well, guess I'm not good enough yet" he said.

Hinamori was embarrassed at her action. "Erm… Well… If you keep practicing…maybe…" she stammered.

He suddenly burst into laughter. "Who am I kidding?" he asked," I can't play it to save my life"

She looked curiously at his laughter. She had forgotten what it meant to laugh, to embrace whole-heartedly the humour of situations.

Her saddened eyes looked back to the horizon. _How long would it be till she could laugh again, till the memories stopped hurting_, she wondered.

"It won't go away, Hinamori-san. Don't fight it. Pain is a part of life; use it to let yourself grow. Don't fight it." Hisagi said, softly, his face turned towards the horizon too.

She stared at him in surprise. The words suddenly gushed from her. "I….I can't…forget it…" she said, tears welling up. "The memory keeps coming back, taunting me…his face…that day…it's like I'm dying inside.", clutching at his robe, as if in fear of being sucked back in time.

Hisagi looked at her in concern. Instinctively, he covered her hand with his. "Hinamori-san, one day you'll see him again." he said.

Her scared eyes contrasted with the hopeful look on her face.

"You might have to face him not as your captain, but as an enemy" he continued.

The hope vanished from her face, but she continued to clutch to him. If this is what it took to become normal again, she would face it, she thought. Whatever the cost, I want to regain my true self. I won't be betrayed again.

"But we can always hope right?" he asked, slowly. "I want my captain, the man I've always admired truly, to come back. To return with the honour he deserved. To stand and fight by my side again, for the justice he had always desired…"

The pain in his voice made Hinamori's stomach clench. She had forgotten that others were suffering too. _Others had faced the same thing as her, yet she was the only one drowning in self-pity. Everyone else was holding out their hand to her…Toushiro, Rangiku-san…It was time she held out her hand to help, even if it was a shaky hand_.

"Yes, we can hope" she said, holding his hand.

As the night grew older and cooler, she moved closer to him. They sat in silence, holding hands, just enjoying the comfort of being with each other. The pain hadn't gone, but it was certainly numbing slowly, washed away by the smiles of others.

As the sun rose, bathing Seireitei in its golden glow, Hinamori stood up slowly. Her mind felt calm, the tornado of her thoughts had died down. Hisagi had fallen asleep, sitting, his hand still holding on to hers. She bent down and kissed him softly on his cheek, her other hand stroking the scars on his face gently.

_We'll recover together. We'll heal our wounds and wait. And one day, we'll go back to the battle-field, and fight for our beliefs and our ideals. Till then, we'll stay together and hope. _

"And maybe you'll get better at the guitar" she whispered. Humming a song again, she left the roof and walked back to her room.

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